Do you know the way to San Jose?

Well, I do! You leave Gainesville, Fla., at 6:48 a.m. ET and drive through Waldo, Starke, and Lawty, Fla., where you diligently obey the posted speed limits to avoid the local redneck law enforcement's wrath. (If you are from North Florida and have even tried to get to Jax from the Gulf Coast you'll know exactly what I am talking about!)

You then arrive at Sneadwoman's house at approximately 8:30 a.m. (after sitting parked in the sea of other traffic trying to get onto I-95 S. from I-10). There is time to suck down about half a cup of Snead-brewed coffee before it is time to head out to the Jax International Airport.

(Ummmm...Let's not mentioned that whacked-out missed turn that lead you back onto I-10 for a brief moment!)

We arrive at the airport, take the shuttle bus to the terminal after parking 10,000 miles away in the ecomony lot. (Did I mention my company is NOT paying for this conference?) We use the handy-dandy self-check-in feature, get our electronic boarding passes and blaze through the snaking line of security with amazing dexterity.

On the other side, we immediately go in search of a Starbucks, only to realize that we just freaking don't have TIME! OMG. The world could have come to an end!

We have just enough time to grab a danish and a muffin at Yucky Airport Food Slinging Place (name changed for legal reasons) and within minutes are boarding our plane to San Jose...no wait...DALLAS/FORT WORTH!

(Simulate bumpy 2-hour plane ride here.)

Upon arrival in Dallas, we have two hours to kill. We share a burger and slug down a couple of Coronas in an airport burger joint. As we are sitting at our table, we both spy a Starbucks cup bopping by in the hands of a blond chick. Our search for Starbucks began anew. And, *Hallelujah* there were TWO of them to choose from.

Two Java Chip Frappachinos later (and a brand new set of magazines) Snead and I were both feeling human again and boarding the flight for San Jose.

As we buckled in, Snead had to point out that her ass was hanging over the crack that divided our seats. From my end, this didn't appear to be the case, but she didn't believe me when I told her so. She gets this way on long flights, so I have to placate her.

As the flight progressed, we were privy to the loud conversations of the three preteen girls sitting in the seats on the other side of the eisle. The word "like" was used more times than I can even count. The girls were traveling alone, but had befriended each other in the terminal and the flight attendents were nice enough to wiggle EVERYONE around so they could all sit together.

She also wiggled an older lady and gentleman into the seats in front of us. Snead's enthusiastic reaction to the article about Oprah and Gayle's friendship in the most recent "O" Magazine caused her to bump the tray table and illicited an angry response from the bitch...ummmm...lady in front of us.

Other than that, the 3-1/2-hour flight was rather uneventful. We took off a little late and landed a little late, putting us in San Jose at around 4:30 PT (7:30 ET). Needless to say, we were pooped.

A friendly shuttle deposited us at the Hyatt. We checked in, hand dinner (which was good, but too expensive) in the hotel restaurant and then struggled to stay awake long enough to stave off too much jet lag.

Dr. Phil was still gabbing away about too much plastic surgery when my eyes closed of their own accord around 9:30 p.m. PT.

So, yes, I know the way to San Jose, and it takes a long freaking time to get here. LOL.

We're off to a day in San Fran. Later!

Leona

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